The infamous phrase “eye for an eye” found in Exodus 21:23 is often used as an excuse to retaliate instead of forgive. Forgetting it is specific to physical injury. However, another way to put it would be, may the punishment fit the crime. This was their official law back then, not how to be a vigilante. Let’s face it, when we feel wronged we often have an urge to one-up the betrayer. The command was meant to maintain reason in justice and prevent over-punishment of this kind of crime.
Yet with wrongs like theft, the offender was required to pay back double in the case of returned property. Or up to 5 times in the case of property that cannot be returned. (Exodus 22:1-4) This crime is treated differently and meant to teach us consequences and accountability. Let’s face it, loss often cuts deeper than the intrinsic value. The time and energy in dealing with the aftermath is reflected in the punishment. Yet also recognizes that this punishment is not permanent.
However, these are not typically the areas we take issue with or obsess over when it comes to payback. Rather intangible things that can’t ever be taken back like betrayal, slander, or adultery. These are the negative things we latch onto, that only fill us with said negativity. As Hebrews 12:15 says “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” The implication is that the effects of bitterness can go far and wide beyond the grudge holder. Not that we can’t air our grievances at all. But if they aren’t validated immediately, it’s unlikely that nitpicking the issue will change anything. This is where bitterness starts to take root in our hearts. This is where we need to self-regulate and offer Christ-like grace.
Biblical forgiveness ultimately takes faith and trust in God's judgment and timing. That means letting go of our right to judge. As it says in Proverbs 28:26 “Those who trust in themselves are fools, but those who walk in wisdom are kept safe.” Other translations use the word delivered instead of kept safe, either way, consider what we are delivered or kept safe from in the case of trusting God with discipline. Is it not our own bitterness?
Biblical forgiveness does not necessarily mean everything is forgotten and OK either. Hence our hesitation in forgiving. Ironically, relentlessly chasing after restitution, even just in thought, means ongoing contact with the offender. This just opens us up to additional pain when they refuse to own their wrongs or are blissfully unaware. Sometimes forgiving without strings is the only way to truly be free of toxic people and situations. Again we must trust in God to handle it.
As it says in Romans 12:17-19 “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. We don’t know the other person’s full story, or what kind of wounds lie behind their behavior. Nor do we know what lies on the other side of their mountain. But God does, he knows who can be saved, and what it takes to give them their moment of redemption. That may take time, more time than we may like. Again we must have faith, trust God, and be patient with his timing. When we focus on vengeance, we are only focusing on things that will destroy our hearts. When we take our focus off retaliation, we can put our focus back on what can heal our hearts, God.
Consider Genesis 18:20-21 “Then the Lord said, “The outcry against Sodom and Gomorrah is so great and their sin so grievous that I will go down and see if what they have done is as bad as the outcry that has reached me. If not, I will know.”” God specifically cites the outcry against them as one of his reasons for destroying Sodom and Gomorrah. While an extreme case, it does show that God will deal with issues when we take it to him rather than deal with it ourselves.
We must remember that we can’t fix other people, especially by counterattacking. But sometimes as believers, our presence can have a positive impact on people. Therein lies the variable of whether to keep hurtful people in our lives or not. Whether the negative impact on us is greater than our positive impact on them. Know your limits. Then focus on dealing with your own limitations, instead of the faults of others. Like any good disciple should. (Matthew 7:1-6)
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