Wholeness: Directions

When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.” -Luke 7:36-39

The woman in the story didn’t need to be told she was broken. Clearly, she knew that already. Yet I’m willing to bet that is all anyone ever did for her was point out her mistakes. Yet nobody ever showed her how to become whole again. I’m sure a big part of the reason she was there, was because she craved some real answers, and thought this Jesus was where they could be found. This begs the question, are we as the church being more Christ-like than Pharisee like? Or are we effectively telling people they need to go to righteous street, but never giving any directions on how to get there.

Now consider Jesus's response.

Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.” “Tell me, teacher,” he said. “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?” Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.” “You have judged correctly,” Jesus said. -Luke 7:40-43

Jesus does not judge the Pharisee’s judgment or hate on his hatred. Nor does he just say this is how you should feel about this, now start feeling that way. (The two extremes that most fall back on.) Instead, Jesus points him in the right direction to finding the right answer for himself. He does it in such a way so that that he could start to understand the why, not just the what.

With that being said, are we merely defining righteousness as a standard of morality, then just telling them to live it with no direction on how to become holy in every dimension? Then criticizing them for their failure despite our poor directions. This brings me back to a question I posed way back at the very beginning of my ministry. Why are we not teaching as Christ taught? Apparently many are getting lost by the church deviating from his example. People are not finding lasting righteousness rooted in Christ’s wholeness that way. Clearly, this is an issue that needs to be addressed, since the effects are trickling down to every aspect of the church.

“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.” — John C. Maxwell

The Visual PARABLEist

Wholeness: Unwritten Stories

Many years ago there was a short-lived reality show called The Messengers. In it people competed to be the next big motivational speaker. In one particular episode, one of the judges took issue with how dark one contestant's speech about a past trauma was. Long story short, it's okay to be a bit dark with your message, as long as it leads to a ray of light in the end. As the show progressed it became apparent that the speaker in question just hadn't found her ray of light concerning that trauma just yet. So she couldn't offer it to others either. You have stories to tell as well, but have they reached the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel yet, so that they are fitting to inspire others?

The Bible isn't just a systematic set of rules, it is presented with stories, many even get dark. So why do we try to systematize it? Jesus didn't just proclaim the good news via a formula; he did it through parables. So why do we try to turn the gospel into a formula? As disciples, salvation is a big part of our story, but are you leaving the narrative unfinished? Have we accepted the forgiveness part and called it good enough? Yet left the wholeness, born anew part of it incomplete. Leaving us with few inspirational experiences to share. Leaving us to rely on cold definitions for outreach.

“Nobody cries at the end of a movie about a guy who wants a Volvo. But we spend years actually living these stories, and expect our lives to be meaningful. The truth is if what we choose to do with our lives won’t make a story meaningful, it won’t make a life meaningful either.” -Donald Miller

Let me stress one thing, a meaningful life does not necessarily mean fame or putting ourselves in the limelight. Too many people leave their talent in the ground because they're comparing themselves to celebrities. With that out of the way, let me ask you, what makes your favorite movies and songs your favorites? Isn't it being able to connect with it emotionally? To be able to identify with it? To see yourself in it? That is why wholeness is critical in discovering our purpose; it gives us a story to share and connect with. Finding wholeness is a story of overcoming after all. It is those stories that delight, inspire, and connect with people. How people find salvation themselves through them. Unlike the mere explanations, many rely on.

Take, for example, the movie, I Can Only Imagine. I like it better than most recent faith-based films because it doesn't oversimplify the Christian experience by stopping at the initial glory of salvation, or just making about making the right choices. This story goes past all that into the struggle to find wholeness. Although the main character Bart Millard had removed himself from a toxic environment and was working in music ministry, his scars still haunted him and hindered his walk. Only by facing his past and reconciling with his father was he able to move forward, and ultimately connect with his audience, and make the truth he professed relatable.

Yet, we live in a culture that tells us not to believe in fairy tales anymore, because we don't believe that happily ever after really exists. Granted, sometimes their definition of happily ever after can be pretty shallow, but is that the real issue we have with them? Or are we trying to gloss over the part where we must fight the dragon or defeat the witch to get to happily ever after? While there will always be another goblin around the corner, but by overcoming them we grow as disciples, find wholeness, as well as our mission, and ultimately inspire the next generation with our story.

So let me leave you with this question. Have you overcome the demons in your life, or are you settling for the Volvo, because you think that is as good as it gets for you? Or would you rather never have to face the troll you thought you eluded, much like the lady from the beginning of the post was? I dare say there is a genuine lack of wholeness in the church. For that reason, there are few stories of delight to share, no wonder we struggle to understand each other. So people cannot connect with church people anymore. We have just settled for a definition of morality, which is but only one dimension of holiness, let alone broader theology. Which seems only like a standard of judgment to the lost, instead of the love, understanding, and a helping hand they really need. Of course, how are we supposed to help people overcome if we haven't ourselves?

I will open my mouth with a parable; I will utter hidden things, things from of old— things we have heard and known, things our ancestors have told us. We will not hide them from their descendants; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done. -Psalm 78:2-4

The Visual PARABLEist

Wholeness: replacing replacments

As I've eluded to often, people are prone to put their hope in a variety of worldly things. Sometimes people cling to these perceptions to the very end, no matter how much it fails them. I'm sure this is the Genesis of many controlling people. It's an attempt to make their perception of hope and fulfillment finally work. This ironically tends to destroy the thing that they long for, not improve it.

Yet, in other cases, longing and fear collide which leads to a total loss of hope. Yet instead of looking to the creator as they should, they redefine their original source of hope. They simply replace their source point with something else. Hoarding, pornography, and an absurd amount of pets are but a few examples. Usually, it replaces some sort of human relationship. There is still that longing for connection or that feeling of being loved. Yet, there is now that fear of being hurt as well. When we are afraid of what we long for, it can create a huge incongruence in our life; hence, the replacements.

Most alternative sources of hope have a few things in common. One, is they are far easier to control. Second, is they lack the ability to disappoint and betray us. Third, they are very tangible, easy to identify or implement. While they always seem easier and safer to the one doing the replacing, and in the short-term they may very well be. However, in the long term, they can become self-destructive if left unchecked. These things can never truly replace what we long for, nor can they give us what we genuinely need. Leading us to compound our replacements to unhealthy levels.

I know it's really easy to say, all we need is God, but how do we apply that? For a nonbeliever, this seems very intangible and abstract. Even the believers often only treat it as following a list of rules, which is a very one-dimensional approach. But how are we supposed to be righteous, if we don't know who God is? True righteousness is modeled after the very nature of God after all. This is what makes holiness relational, not just systematic. The more we seek God as a living entity; the more he will reveal the truth behind our brokenness. The better we understand our lack of wholeness, the better we understand what it is that we really need to let go of. Instead of just the cosmetic surface behavior, the legalists teach. Once God sees that we are truly sincere about letting go, then he will take it away.

So I urge you to take a long hard look at yourself. Consider what you have replaced God with, or at least settled for. Then have an honest discussion with self and God about it. Then, you find yourself on the right path to wholeness.

Has a nation ever changed its gods? (Yet they are not gods at all.) But my people have exchanged their glorious God for worthless idols. Be appalled at this, you heavens, and shudder with great horror,” declares the Lord. “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water. -Jeremiah 2:11-13

if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. -2 Chronicles 7:14

The Visual PARABLEist

Wholeness: Never Broken?

If you get a splinter and you don’t remove it, it will swell up and become very sensitive. If you get a laceration and don’t disinfect and bandage it, it may turn necrotic and not heal properly. If you break a bone and don’t set and cast it, it won’t heal straight. Emotional trauma isn’t much different, if we don’t deal with it, there will be lasting side effects. The main difference is that emotional trauma isn’t as easy to identify proper treatment.

The reason I bring this up is that there are many people these days trying to sell you on an idea that you were never broken in the first place. While it feels like a favorable answer because it's an easy answer. However, it's also a very dangerous answer because it rationalizes self-destructive and abusive behaviors. Granted, we need to stop equating brokenness with hopelessness, especially in the church since salvation and recreation are such a big part of our theology. But let's face it, if we weren't shaming the broken, people wouldn't be going to this opposite extreme. So let's have a closer look at emotional trauma and its role in our lives.

As I have said before, it can be a cruel world. Getting through it unscathed is near impossible. This begs the question, isn't all this inhumanity a symptom of mass brokenness? As they say, hurting people, hurt people. The traumas we experience in childhood can often seem the worst and the hardest to overcome, since they occur in that critical foundational time, not to mention a fragile and vulnerable one as well. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much we grow and mature, we still see these events from the vantage point of the children we were when they happened. Even when we don't consciously remember them, they often establish patterns of behavior that wouldn't exist otherwise. All these debilitating phobias, compulsions, obsessions, addictions, hypersensitivity, and another neurosis' will affect the quality of our lives. Such things have a habit of spilling over onto the people closest to us as well. This perpetuates this cycle of trauma. The tragic irony of trauma, is we often become like the perpetrators of it to cope with said trauma. Do you really want to be that person?

Now consider this, if we were never broken in the first place, we would have no reason to take issue with those who abused us. If there is no brokenness, then there is no crime after all. Do you really want to rationalize such people’s actions this way? Indirectly you are justifying your abuser if you deny your brokenness. The unbroken should be emotionally strong enough to shake off anything. So they shouldn’t be exuding hypersensitive, or easily offended behaviors. If we were never broken in the first place, we have no reason to be so cautious, implement coping mechanisms, or control people to cater to our feelings. Going on the offensive or defensive like that implies fear. What do the unbroken have to fear after all? If we are truly unbroken then we should be very secure. Yet it’s insecure people who feel threatened by people who think, feel, or value things differently than they do. It’s insecure people who are desperate for validation, acceptance, and approval. Can you honestly call yourself completely unbroken having read this?

If you are holding onto trauma, then don't be afraid to admit it to yourself. An honest confession of where you really are is key in moving forward. If people shame you for it, they are only revealing their own brokenness and phony righteousness. There is probably a reason things just aren't working out for you, and that reason lies within your own heart, not outside you. Yet, our heart is something we can do something about if we have the courage to face it. Yet we often would rather try to take on the futile task of changing the entire world to cater to our wounds, instead of facing our own brokenness.

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. -1st John 1:8

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. -Psalm 51:17