Wholeness: Directions

When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.” -Luke 7:36-39

The woman in the story didn’t need to be told she was broken. Clearly, she knew that already. Yet I’m willing to bet that is all anyone ever did for her was point out her mistakes. Yet nobody ever showed her how to become whole again. I’m sure a big part of the reason she was there, was because she craved some real answers, and thought this Jesus was where they could be found. This begs the question, are we as the church being more Christ-like than Pharisee like? Or are we effectively telling people they need to go to righteous street, but never giving any directions on how to get there.

Now consider Jesus's response.

Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.” “Tell me, teacher,” he said. “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?” Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.” “You have judged correctly,” Jesus said. -Luke 7:40-43

Jesus does not judge the Pharisee’s judgment or hate on his hatred. Nor does he just say this is how you should feel about this, now start feeling that way. (The two extremes that most fall back on.) Instead, Jesus points him in the right direction to finding the right answer for himself. He does it in such a way so that that he could start to understand the why, not just the what.

With that being said, are we merely defining righteousness as a standard of morality, then just telling them to live it with no direction on how to become holy in every dimension? Then criticizing them for their failure despite our poor directions. This brings me back to a question I posed way back at the very beginning of my ministry. Why are we not teaching as Christ taught? Apparently many are getting lost by the church deviating from his example. People are not finding lasting righteousness rooted in Christ’s wholeness that way. Clearly, this is an issue that needs to be addressed, since the effects are trickling down to every aspect of the church.

“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.” — John C. Maxwell

The Visual PARABLEist

Wholeness: Unwritten Stories

Many years ago there was a short-lived reality show called The Messengers. In it people competed to be the next big motivational speaker. In one particular episode, one of the judges took issue with how dark one contestant's speech about a past trauma was. Long story short, it's okay to be a bit dark with your message, as long as it leads to a ray of light in the end. As the show progressed it became apparent that the speaker in question just hadn't found her ray of light concerning that trauma just yet. So she couldn't offer it to others either. You have stories to tell as well, but have they reached the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel yet, so that they are fitting to inspire others?

The Bible isn't just a systematic set of rules, it is presented with stories, many even get dark. So why do we try to systematize it? Jesus didn't just proclaim the good news via a formula; he did it through parables. So why do we try to turn the gospel into a formula? As disciples, salvation is a big part of our story, but are you leaving the narrative unfinished? Have we accepted the forgiveness part and called it good enough? Yet left the wholeness, born anew part of it incomplete. Leaving us with few inspirational experiences to share. Leaving us to rely on cold definitions for outreach.

“Nobody cries at the end of a movie about a guy who wants a Volvo. But we spend years actually living these stories, and expect our lives to be meaningful. The truth is if what we choose to do with our lives won’t make a story meaningful, it won’t make a life meaningful either.” -Donald Miller

Let me stress one thing, a meaningful life does not necessarily mean fame or putting ourselves in the limelight. Too many people leave their talent in the ground because they're comparing themselves to celebrities. With that out of the way, let me ask you, what makes your favorite movies and songs your favorites? Isn't it being able to connect with it emotionally? To be able to identify with it? To see yourself in it? That is why wholeness is critical in discovering our purpose; it gives us a story to share and connect with. Finding wholeness is a story of overcoming after all. It is those stories that delight, inspire, and connect with people. How people find salvation themselves through them. Unlike the mere explanations, many rely on.

Take, for example, the movie, I Can Only Imagine. I like it better than most recent faith-based films because it doesn't oversimplify the Christian experience by stopping at the initial glory of salvation, or just making about making the right choices. This story goes past all that into the struggle to find wholeness. Although the main character Bart Millard had removed himself from a toxic environment and was working in music ministry, his scars still haunted him and hindered his walk. Only by facing his past and reconciling with his father was he able to move forward, and ultimately connect with his audience, and make the truth he professed relatable.

Yet, we live in a culture that tells us not to believe in fairy tales anymore, because we don't believe that happily ever after really exists. Granted, sometimes their definition of happily ever after can be pretty shallow, but is that the real issue we have with them? Or are we trying to gloss over the part where we must fight the dragon or defeat the witch to get to happily ever after? While there will always be another goblin around the corner, but by overcoming them we grow as disciples, find wholeness, as well as our mission, and ultimately inspire the next generation with our story.

So let me leave you with this question. Have you overcome the demons in your life, or are you settling for the Volvo, because you think that is as good as it gets for you? Or would you rather never have to face the troll you thought you eluded, much like the lady from the beginning of the post was? I dare say there is a genuine lack of wholeness in the church. For that reason, there are few stories of delight to share, no wonder we struggle to understand each other. So people cannot connect with church people anymore. We have just settled for a definition of morality, which is but only one dimension of holiness, let alone broader theology. Which seems only like a standard of judgment to the lost, instead of the love, understanding, and a helping hand they really need. Of course, how are we supposed to help people overcome if we haven't ourselves?

I will open my mouth with a parable; I will utter hidden things, things from of old— things we have heard and known, things our ancestors have told us. We will not hide them from their descendants; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done. -Psalm 78:2-4

The Visual PARABLEist

Wholeness: replacing replacments

As I've eluded to often, people are prone to put their hope in a variety of worldly things. Sometimes people cling to these perceptions to the very end, no matter how much it fails them. I'm sure this is the Genesis of many controlling people. It's an attempt to make their perception of hope and fulfillment finally work. This ironically tends to destroy the thing that they long for, not improve it.

Yet, in other cases, longing and fear collide which leads to a total loss of hope. Yet instead of looking to the creator as they should, they redefine their original source of hope. They simply replace their source point with something else. Hoarding, pornography, and an absurd amount of pets are but a few examples. Usually, it replaces some sort of human relationship. There is still that longing for connection or that feeling of being loved. Yet, there is now that fear of being hurt as well. When we are afraid of what we long for, it can create a huge incongruence in our life; hence, the replacements.

Most alternative sources of hope have a few things in common. One, is they are far easier to control. Second, is they lack the ability to disappoint and betray us. Third, they are very tangible, easy to identify or implement. While they always seem easier and safer to the one doing the replacing, and in the short-term they may very well be. However, in the long term, they can become self-destructive if left unchecked. These things can never truly replace what we long for, nor can they give us what we genuinely need. Leading us to compound our replacements to unhealthy levels.

I know it's really easy to say, all we need is God, but how do we apply that? For a nonbeliever, this seems very intangible and abstract. Even the believers often only treat it as following a list of rules, which is a very one-dimensional approach. But how are we supposed to be righteous, if we don't know who God is? True righteousness is modeled after the very nature of God after all. This is what makes holiness relational, not just systematic. The more we seek God as a living entity; the more he will reveal the truth behind our brokenness. The better we understand our lack of wholeness, the better we understand what it is that we really need to let go of. Instead of just the cosmetic surface behavior, the legalists teach. Once God sees that we are truly sincere about letting go, then he will take it away.

So I urge you to take a long hard look at yourself. Consider what you have replaced God with, or at least settled for. Then have an honest discussion with self and God about it. Then, you find yourself on the right path to wholeness.

Has a nation ever changed its gods? (Yet they are not gods at all.) But my people have exchanged their glorious God for worthless idols. Be appalled at this, you heavens, and shudder with great horror,” declares the Lord. “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water. -Jeremiah 2:11-13

if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. -2 Chronicles 7:14

The Visual PARABLEist

Wholeness: Never Broken?

If you get a splinter and you don’t remove it, it will swell up and become very sensitive. If you get a laceration and don’t disinfect and bandage it, it may turn necrotic and not heal properly. If you break a bone and don’t set and cast it, it won’t heal straight. Emotional trauma isn’t much different, if we don’t deal with it, there will be lasting side effects. The main difference is that emotional trauma isn’t as easy to identify proper treatment.

The reason I bring this up is that there are many people these days trying to sell you on an idea that you were never broken in the first place. While it feels like a favorable answer because it's an easy answer. However, it's also a very dangerous answer because it rationalizes self-destructive and abusive behaviors. Granted, we need to stop equating brokenness with hopelessness, especially in the church since salvation and recreation are such a big part of our theology. But let's face it, if we weren't shaming the broken, people wouldn't be going to this opposite extreme. So let's have a closer look at emotional trauma and its role in our lives.

As I have said before, it can be a cruel world. Getting through it unscathed is near impossible. This begs the question, isn't all this inhumanity a symptom of mass brokenness? As they say, hurting people, hurt people. The traumas we experience in childhood can often seem the worst and the hardest to overcome, since they occur in that critical foundational time, not to mention a fragile and vulnerable one as well. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much we grow and mature, we still see these events from the vantage point of the children we were when they happened. Even when we don't consciously remember them, they often establish patterns of behavior that wouldn't exist otherwise. All these debilitating phobias, compulsions, obsessions, addictions, hypersensitivity, and another neurosis' will affect the quality of our lives. Such things have a habit of spilling over onto the people closest to us as well. This perpetuates this cycle of trauma. The tragic irony of trauma, is we often become like the perpetrators of it to cope with said trauma. Do you really want to be that person?

Now consider this, if we were never broken in the first place, we would have no reason to take issue with those who abused us. If there is no brokenness, then there is no crime after all. Do you really want to rationalize such people’s actions this way? Indirectly you are justifying your abuser if you deny your brokenness. The unbroken should be emotionally strong enough to shake off anything. So they shouldn’t be exuding hypersensitive, or easily offended behaviors. If we were never broken in the first place, we have no reason to be so cautious, implement coping mechanisms, or control people to cater to our feelings. Going on the offensive or defensive like that implies fear. What do the unbroken have to fear after all? If we are truly unbroken then we should be very secure. Yet it’s insecure people who feel threatened by people who think, feel, or value things differently than they do. It’s insecure people who are desperate for validation, acceptance, and approval. Can you honestly call yourself completely unbroken having read this?

If you are holding onto trauma, then don't be afraid to admit it to yourself. An honest confession of where you really are is key in moving forward. If people shame you for it, they are only revealing their own brokenness and phony righteousness. There is probably a reason things just aren't working out for you, and that reason lies within your own heart, not outside you. Yet, our heart is something we can do something about if we have the courage to face it. Yet we often would rather try to take on the futile task of changing the entire world to cater to our wounds, instead of facing our own brokenness.

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. -1st John 1:8

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. -Psalm 51:17

Wholeness: Prayer

I dare say prayer is one of the most written about subjects in all of Christian education. Yet it is likely one of the most neglected concepts in all of Christianity as well. I’m hardly the first to point this out either. While I won’t be summarizing the entirety of this important concept here, there are a few points I would like to add to the discussion to hopefully help with said neglect. As well as how it pertains to our wholeness.

Many teachers tell you to pray specifically. While there is nothing wrong with this, keep in mind there is nothing wrong with not being very specific either when we just can’t put our finger on the issue. Hence this verse.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. -Romans 8:26

Those same teachers often tell you to expect specifically as well. In their mind, this is an act of faith, but then again maybe it’s just arrogant. What I have learned, is to expect anything and everything. We can only pray based off of what we know after all. Which is very limited compared to God. Why presume to know better than God or how he will respond? While we may pray for what we want, God will always answer according to our needs. Again if we lack wholeness, our wants will likely be less than mature. So the answer may actually address our brokenness behind the want more than the actual longings. Sometimes what we need is the rest of the story in a given situation. If we are imposing tunnel vision on our expectations, we can very easily miss God’s actual answer.

James also talks about praying with wrong motives. (4:3) For example, we may pray for an abundant harvest for our church. While that may sound noble on the surface. Yet, if we only ask so that we may feed off the harvest without actually tending to the crop, our motives are more selfish than selfless. If you are going to pray for something, be prepared to get involved and be part of the solution. A whole person and devout disciple wouldn’t object to this. Like when Nehemiah prayed for the restoration of Jerusalem, the answer came in the form of an opportunity. An opportunity that Nehemiah had an active hand in. 

It's not much different when we pray for our wholeness. Yet when we actually pray about our shortcomings, do we do so in hopes that the issue would just go away so we don’t have to face them. This isn’t necessarily realistic. While deliverance is sometimes an option, but not if it's going to leave an open wound in our spirit. Like I said in an earlier post, the woman at the well had to face herself, and her choices. Even Peter had to face his denial. (John 21:15-25) What issues are you trying to avoid via prayer?

It’s been said, prayer often changes the individual more than the situation. Now you should have a better idea of why that is. So I repeat, when you pray, keep your spiritual eyes open to all possibilities. Anything is possible when it comes to an all-knowing God after all. Your wholeness will surely benefit if you do. Which means your holiness depends on it as well. Which is of immense importance to God. So your spiritual ears will be the most open when we value all three dimensions of holiness as well.

The Visual PARABLEist

Wholeness: life?

Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. -John 12:25

This is one of those hard sayings of Jesus. One where people try to dismiss the "hate life" part with rather vague arguments based more on feelings than logic. However, let me offer another perspective.

If we engage in reckless self-indulgence and it leads only to emptiness, which it often does. We will likely start to hate life.

If we devout our life to acquiring wealth yet we live in constant fear of losing it. So much so that we are in a constant state of guarding and adding to said wealth that we have no time to enjoy it, we will likely begin to hate life.

If we devote our life to acquiring acceptance, approval, validation, and inclusion we will soon discover trying to control how people feel about us is futile. Not to mention all the ways we inevitably compromise ourselves in doing so. Again, we will likely hate life because of it.

If we look to people and relationships to feel complete, and the people we look to will likely be doing the same right back at us. Yet, we find their expectations unrealistic and overwhelming. So this incongruence often leaves people disillusioned and hating life.

If none of that works for us, we may look to drugs and alcohol to cope, but such people always end up hating life. Just look at how many celebrities end up on this path, despite the fact they seem to have everything this "life" has to offer.

But sometimes, through it all, we realize this life is but a drop in the ocean of eternity. That in the end, this moral life separates us from God. That all these treasures and creature comforts we value in this world mean nothing in God’s kingdom. That what we really need to focus on is our mission in this life that builds for us treasures in heaven, and ultimately closer to God. Treasures we cannot possibly begin to comprehend. (1st Corinthians 2:9)

Yes, we need a place to live, clothes on our back, food on the table, and a time to rest our mortal bodies. However, those are all means to the end. Not the goal. When we get the means confused for the goal, and fixate on the drop, instead of the ocean. Our wholeness and peace of mind inevitably suffer for it. When our wholeness suffers, so does our mission. When our mission suffers, so does our real treasure. Through it all, we can end up hating life while we are still in it.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. -Matthew 6:19-21

You may notice a very Ecclesiastes vibe to this post. A book many people have a hard time with as well. However, I suggest you try reading through it again with Jesus' opening words in mind. May I suggest The Message translation. Most other translations, even the very literal word-for-word ones go too far and try to interrupt the very poetic words for you. In this case, The Message is far more accurate.

The Visual PARABLEist

Wholeness: self worth

As I indicated in my video warning lights, there is often a strong element of self-hatred in depression. When this ultimately leads to suicide, obviously the victims held zero worth for self.

Which leads to the question, what is our self-worth based upon? People put their self-worth in a wide variety of things, many of which I have mentioned over the course of this series. What we as individuals look to are often established very early in life, latching onto whatever gratifies our feelings. If not from family norms, it's frequently found within the public school social structure. Sometimes we never bother to question or, mature beyond our initial childish inklings that fall short of true wholeness. Sometimes our perception of self-worth is so deeply rooted in us that we try to project it onto others. Sometimes there are just so many voices competing for our attention, it's hard to hear the truth even when we do question it.

As disciples of Christ, we need to consider this question very carefully and dare to question our preconceived notions. Since even church people can get caught up in putting their hope in the created instead of the creator. When we value the gift over the giver, we run the risk of crossing the line into idolatry. This American cultural bias is so strong that we often confuse it for virtue and encourage others to do the same. Yet consider where it has led us all by putting our self-worth into such fragile and temporal things.

Take the rich man from Mark 10 and Luke 18, Jesus made him face his misguided notions of self-worth. Yet, by all indications, he refused to reconsider said beliefs. The woman at the well in John 4 had a similar experience. Yet, she was far more willing to reconsider. I dare say having five ex-husbands; she had her fair share of fall flat on her face moments. It's often those fallen moments that cause us to reconsider. Yet, if we don't go deep enough, and only try to provoke the same feelings in a different way, this can lead to addictive behavior or impulse control disorders.

It's really easy to say our worth is in God alone, people do it continually. While that means something to those who already believe, but for those who don't, it's just a vague platitude. Our reason for this hope we have must go deeper and be expressed more distinctly. (1st Peter 3:15) The outside world simply sees Christianity as a standard of morality; many do little to counter this one-dimensional view. So everyone assumes that their worth by that standard is conditional upon living up to it in an instant. As heirs to the kingdom we must do a better job of educating people about the gospel. That salvation is a gateway to the path to wholeness. That nothing else can absolve us from our past traumas, and the mistakes that haunt us. That through it all you will find a mission that touches the lives of others, which leads to true fulfillment and makes you part of something much bigger. Not an instant gratification path to self-worth, but a more effective one in the long run if we embrace it.

In an age where people are falling on their face left and right, from following their feelings blindly; the opportunities for outreach are there. Yet so many are only using these opportunities to kick people while they are down. Yet, we wonder why they are looking everywhere but Jesus for self-worth.

The Visual PARABLEist